Rant #2

So basically i'm tired of being me.  No matter how hard i try i'm just not happy with the way i look.  I look in the mirror and i see a hideous monster, and i hate it.  My friends tell me im pretty but i just dont see it no matter how hard i try.  Ive tried going on diets where i cancel out junk food, and i work out regularly, but im still not satisfied. I try making myself look perfect  (even though i know ill never reach perfection) but im still never even slightly pleased with my looks.  I try just accepting that i will never look the way i want to but that just makes me want to cry.  Why cant i be happy? Why cant i be one of "those beautiful girls"? Why cant i be skinny? Why cant i have long, shiny hair? Why cant i have a perfectly smooth complexion? Why cant i just be satisfied with myself, instead of despising everything i see when i look in the mirror?

I miss...

this is an add on to what i wrote in creative writing today.

i miss threatening to burn Mrs.Hasketts snuggie.
i miss Chellsee Lee defending her absolutely hideous crocs.
i miss Trevors rants that went on and on even after the class had already clapped for him.
i miss the Us of America and Pablos strong stance against the USA
i miss how tan Annie was
i miss Izzy killing Patrick Swayze.
i miss Caris lessons about life.
i miss Freds one liners.
i miss Collins "lolcatz".
i miss the Bleep sub and how freedom of speech went right out the door with Lindsay.

there is so much i miss from last year and i hope that this class can become closer and more trust worthy soon.

Rant #1

So basically I am graduating early this year and it really sucks that a lot of people aren't supportive of my decision.  Everyone keeps telling me that its not worth it because I will be missing out on my senior year and everyone is thinking of every excuse and reason to get me to stay all year instead of being happy for me. Sometimes, people who don't know me that well will reply with "that's cool" but I know what they are really thinking.  I worked really hard in order to have the opportunity.  I have been taking summer school every summer (including summer before freshman year) in order to get all my credits early.  Some people think that the only reason why I want to leave school early is because Trevor graduated last year.  When that is not a reason.  We do perfectly fine with me being in school now and we could easily do for a full year.  I had been working towards this goal for almost four years, way before Trevor came into the picture. Quite frankly I'm proud of myself but it would be a lot easier to enjoy the last three months I have here at Manteca High if my friends and teachers were more supportive and we actually proud of me. I try to ignore the rude comments I get about how I'm not enjoying my life or that I'm growing up too fast but when you hear it every day it starts to bring you down...

Blehhhh

Well, I actually have so much on my mind that I don't know what to write for my blog. My mind is racing and I feel outside of myself, as if my body is an empty shell and I'm helplessly watching it rot from the outside. Wow, that sounded mildly depressing, but really I'm just not in the greatest place right now. I guess that's the best way to put it. I just want it to be Saturday, September 10th will be long gone but I will still have Alejandra here to help me escape from anything I can't deal with. I swear I will write a better blog soon but I just have so much going on inside my head that I can't even organize it all by writing. Usually, writing does help but every time I think about every thing I feel sick. I'm just down, blehhh I need to get happy!!

Ohh and this may sound super lame but my friends Adrienne and Michelle have challenged me to try and do my hair and makeup different everyday for a whole month, starting tomorrow. I plan on succeeding, but unfortunately this means getting up earlier for school=/