update

hey guys, i wanted to make sure i still blogged that way i could still be apart of the class. As you know i finished at MHS and so now i'm a student at MJC. Its all really different and i like how my days flow. I go to school monday through thursday and i have Theatre and Human Sexualities on mondays and wednesdays then psychology on tuesdays and thursdays.
But i'm starting to think that i'm not smart enough for college, for example in psychology we have to write debate papers on whether America is in a moral decline and i didn't really even know what that meant. I feel so dumb, i don't even understand what i'm supposed to read in my textbook, its like its all in another language. Then of course i have Trevor in my classes and he makes me feel even more stupid because he actually understands everything.  He give me a feeling of competition like we have to compete to see who's smarter. So, i can't tell him that i don't understand.
i feel like i'm just not cut out for this and it sucks...

Good news(:

Well today I found out that even though I am graduating early I still get to go to prom
, E15, and disneyland with everyone! I'm so excited that I still get to be apart of all of this at the end of the year. I know I'm going to miss everyone when I dont get to see you everyday so getting to do these things with you makes me feel better a out leaving.
I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to stay in touch with alot of you but now I know I will get to see you all multiple times before graduation day.

Well that was my good news today,but yesterday i was given good news too. So this year all I asked for for Christmas was a gym membership because I am turning into a chunkymunk. Well my mom looked into it for me and she ran the idea by my dad and he instantly said no, and he was being so unreasonable that my mom decided that she was going to get it for me anyways. I'm so happy because I know I will really use this present and I'm just so thankful that my mom is going to xo this for me.
Well that's my good news for the week, but the week is not over(:!

Christmas

So I'm excited for Christmas this year because I think I really did a good job with presents. I even bought my mom a gift by myself this year. I spent about thirty dollars on her so I really hope she likes the perfume and lotion a got for her at bath and bodyworks. If not I saved the receipt. Usually I feel like I can never get anyone a decent Christmas present, most of the time because I can't really afford it, however this year I really tried even though I still couldn't really afford much.
It is nice when I receive gifts but I think this year I honestly enjoyed buying everything for my friends and family more than trying to squeeze out information about my own gifts. I think Christmas itself gives me this feeling of kindness because it fills me with warmth and happiness. It makes me feel so grateful for everything and everyone I have in my life.

Wounds

I never thought it would be so hard to walk five feet in front of me.
I never thought it would be so hard to hold back salty tears from slipping over the egde.
I never thought it would be do hard to stand in font of 195 people, and look them in the eye.
I never thought it would be so hard to stand on the other side with my friends and teachers.

I never thought someone could care so much about me.
I never thought someone would let the tears spill over.
I never thought someones arms folded tightly around my shaking body would be just what I needed.
I never thought someone I didn't know could have a string connection with me.

Not until today.
Not until I relinquished the streams from my shining eyes.
Not until those heartwarming arms were the only thing holding me together.
Not until my ignored wounds were ripped open, and I reveled them to strangers.

Obsession.

Thoughts circulate.
Haunting and cursing.

Images fabricate never
Dissolving for only a second.

Soft thumps, quick shadows:
Chilling whispers and unwanted figures.

I don't want you there,
Stuck.
Always there, never giving me

A break.

Powderpuff(:

So basically seniors are awesome and totally beasted tonight at the game against the juniors. Cari and I were the rejects and only played for a short amount of time but we did good when we were in and we had a lot of fun! I'm really proud of our whole team. The juniors were talking a lot of shit and we showed them, haha. I'm not very competitive but I really enjoy being apart of the class of 2011.
I actually understand more about football now, which is good since I am a cheerleader. I also surprised myself withhow much I was able to run and how fast could run when I played defense.
Tonight was such a great nightbut I'm super exhausted since I had a two hour cheer practice right before. Hope everyone who went to the game and everyone who was apart of it had a fun night!